Why am I here in Chile? What is my purpose here? Although I have learned so much and although my experiences here have opened me up in new ways, I still seem to be teetering between a sense of contentment, that I know I am here for a reason, and a sense of restlessness, of wanting to start getting involved more directly with the people. Working with EPES has been a great opportunity and I have been inspired in many ways, but I still have yet to get involved somewhere that truly fulfills my purpose in doing a year of volunteer service, to be connected with poor communities and fight for the disadvantaged. I understand that can be done in various ways, directly or indirectly, but I would really like to find involvement somewhere that keeps me aware of my role and purpose.
Our opportunities in Santiago prove to be endless, yet dead ends at the same time. Because of many different governmental, economic and cultural factors within the country, Gretchen and I have found it very challenging to find places where we are able to get involved and have specific responsibilities and defined roles. I understand, too, that with summer here now it is virtually impossible to start anything new when every organization is preparing to close. I also understand that with the structure of the program, we are technically still in a period of acclimation, allowing us to fully immerse ourselves in the culture and become comfortable with the language. But these realizations do not keep me from experiencing a sense of discouragement.
What will be my role here? Is my service really needed in any way? I have come to realize that although extreme poverty does exist here, the country is very sustainable, in general. Before embarking on this journey, I did not harbor any expectations about what it would be like. I did, however, know that I was not going to be living in a deserted hut, in a rural community with no running water, where I was disconnected from civilization and methods of communication. I knew that was definitely not the experience I signed up for, but the idea of doing service in such a poor, isolated area also invokes the idea of unquestionably becoming part of the community and culture. I can imagine that people back home are beginning to wonder what the heck it is I am actually doing down here. All I can say is that I am searching, on so many different levels. Being a part of the work at EPES has been a wonderful place to start (I have undoubtedly learned more than I ever imagined possible), and I am excited about the tentative possibilities of working there in the future, but at this point I need to find other places to give in service as well… Does this mean that I regret my decision to stay in Santiago? Of course not. Does this mean that I will return to serve in Chillán? Well, the possibility remains an option, but I know being there would not help me shake my feelings of restlessness at this point. I am looking forward to staying involved with the community at Casa Ursalina in the coming months though. Right now, I am patiently awaiting the arrival of March, I hope it brings with it new beginnings and I hope I do not find myself in this same quizzical predicament :)
There are adventures and experiences we pursue for specific, sometimes initially unknown, reasons. There are notable goals we want to accomplish and an infinite amount knowledge we hope to gain. There are mysterious places we want to explore and there are people of different backgrounds we want to encounter. Life is full of journeys that enliven our souls and crack open our culturally boxed-in minds. Of course, I cannot speak for everyone, but I know we are all able to allow ourselves experiences that promote personal growth and enrichment. Though our personal journeys differ and our purposes in life are distinct, we all have that same sense of finding ourselves, just in our own way. For me, I know that this journey in Chile is going to be one that I will positively look back on and know that I did make a difference, even in the smallest ways. I have hope that everything is going to work out just fine.
I am unsettled in many ways right now, but if nothing else, I have definitely learned that I need to take one day at a time. This is going to be an unforgettable experience for obvious reasons and I know it will affect the rest of my life and how I view the world. Everyday I am witness to ordinary miracles, and I am grateful that I am here. No, this experience is not an extreme scenario of service, but it is one I chose to do, and it is one which will allow me to learn, not only about a new culture, but also about myself.
So, why am I here in Chile? This reason is not exactly known right now, but everyday I am thankful for my time here. Even if at times I do wonder if I would rather be in a place like Haiti, where the need for help is immeasurable. But, I am here…for now… and I am content. Further updates on service opportunities will be posted as soon as they bear fruit…
